(no subject)

[morgue_n]

the rain taps against the tin roof of this cabin. In the next room, I can hear Bossman the bulldog snoring. He's flopped over on his bed, a large cushion in the hallway. a fly buzzes wildly around my ceiling fan. it pings against the glass bells of the light fixture.

my room smells like weed and sandalwood. smoke ribbons up from the incense holder. the dresser is covered in ash. the incense sits at the base of a wooden box, on which stands my small collection of idols. they're gods I collected from my travels abroad. They're some of the only tangible reminders that I have been away from here. When I climb out of bed in the morning I look at them and think of what they stand for.

There's a Chinese Buddha, sitting in the lotus position, metal, a lotus blooming behind his meditating face. Serenity, Peace, Balance, Spaciousness.

Bodhidharma in dark wood sits hunched in a cross-legged position. He frowns stubbornly. Resilience. Discipline.

I have a two-faced Janus carved from rock, god of beginnings and endings and doorways.

There's a crude Thor made of wood, gripping his hammer. Action. Toughness.

A brass Ganesha with four arms sits. Heavy lidded, one of his arms bids you to stop, another offers a bowl. He's the god of obstacles, and the placement and removal thereof. Teaching and learning.

Brahma with his many arms and 5 faces creates.

Guanyin, Goddess of the Heart Sutra, stands with her dress blown in the wind. She's carved of wood. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form.

There's a crude wooden Morana, slavic goddess of winter and death, ll curvy and seductive but faceless, standing rigid. When I look at her, I am reminded that I will die.

Last, largest, and in the middle of its box, Yama. The great god of dharma, samsara, he who turns the wheel of death and rebirth, god of cycles. everything moves in circles.

I've moved back home after 10 years abroad. In so many ways, everything's changed. In so many ways, everything's so different. What is at the core of me? what do I have in common with the boy who lived on this street 20 years ago?


BUDDHA: just focus on the here and now.
GANESHA: it's okay. you can coast. You've been through so much.
GUANYIN: just accept the time and space. Gather yourself and be ready for whatever's next.
YAMA: because it won't always be like this. more will come. It always does.
THOR: and then you can take action. But you'll be ready.
BODHIDHARMA: you are the work you choose to do.
MORANA: every day is a gift.
JANUS: a new beginning.
BRAHMA: so what do you choose to do?